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There can be only one!

Unfortunately we could only pick one winner for our Greatest American Korean contest, and this is it:

We got some great submissions including one of my personal favorites...

but we had only one beta key :(.

We thank all of our Ninjas for their great contributions. We'll have more contests in the future, so read this bitch EVERY DAY!
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Is killing women wrong?

I think Kotaku has a really interesting question here..."Should She Be Chainsawable?" ...pertaining to the rumored female characters in Gears of War 3.

Honestly, as much as I support video game violence, I'm not sure how I feel about sneaking up behind some virtual woman and "chain-sodomizing" her. I guess with male characters...I've grown to expect them to die in horrible ways, but female characters are a whole new ballpark.

Surprisingly, I don't think I have an answer to this conundrum. Rest assured, NinjaCamp supports whatever camp is going to eventually make us the most money!
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This is a kick-ass Mario Birthday Cake!

One of our honorable ninjas sent in this picture of a birthday cake made with her own three hands. At least I'm assuming she had three, cause it's complex!

Enjoy some cake porn!

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NinjaCamp's Search Story

Google made a "Search Story Creator" in the wake of their ever successful Parisian Love commercial, so I felt inclined to see what NinjaCamp's own search story would look like...

So...wanna buy some crack?
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Hours left!!!

Can you beat this?

I sure hope so...cause it's winning my vote unless I see some more submissions by days end!

Better get your Greatest American Korean entries in before midnight if you want your chance to play the StarCraft II beta!
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2009 Game of the Year

For Golden Sausage Rules and Category Descriptions Click Me.

Muramasa: The Demon Blade
One word...pretty. This game is gorgeous! From the elegantly layered backgrounds, to the animations performed by the enemies and player, the game just oozes happiness. Additionally, you have to merit the stereotypically Japanese attributes like, 10 minute eating sessions with beautify rendered items of food and Wooly Eyeballs for enemies.

Story wise, the game stays strong having two totally different but intersecting stories to go along with the two possible choices for your character. I wouldn't go so far as to call either story groundbreaking, but both are compelling enough that I put in my due diligence. Again...there's some weird Japanese shit going on here that just keeps you wondering.

It's the gameplay that's the real gem. The play-style is kind of what I'd imagine a 2009 version of NES Ninja Gaiden to be; however the game excels past the tried and true side scrolling brawler mechanic by adding in a unique multi-weapon concept. You are actually forced to maintain, and switch your primary weapon (in this case a sword) throughout battle. Couple that with some role playing features, and a huge variety of weapons and you've got a sure fire winner of the 2009 Bronze Golden Sausage : Game of the Year.

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2
I'm not even sure I need to provide a synopsis for this one as much as I have to debate why it's not the Golden Sausage game of the year. Yeah yeah...I know. It's amazing. Best game ever. You're a dick! I've heard it all before. My response? A Silver Golden Sausage is a treat! Infinity Ward should be more than happy that they've made the list!

Modern Warfare 2 picks up right where Modern Warfare left off...fucking awesome! Visually, MW2 blows past everything in it's class. From the smallest littered flyer on the ground to the ridiculous huge explosion that just ripped you to shreds, you'll be impressed.

The game-play and more importantly the pace of play rank right up there with great shooters like the Half Life and Halo series(s). The one unique thing about Modern Warfare series is that I rarely have any fucking idea who is shooting at me. Personally, I've never been to war, but I tend to imagine it feels a lot like that!

The online component to Modern Warfare 2 helps to give it a near infinite replay-ability. Other than the fact that you are 10,000 times worse than the 15 year old who's been teabagging you for half an hour, the online play is as near to perfect as you can get.

All together you're looking at a fantastic package easily worth sausage gold...well silver in this case. That's why Modern Warfare 2 takes home the 2009 Silver Golden Sausage : Game of the Year!

Batman: Arkham Asylum
In the video gaming world it's rare for one game to get so many things right, but Batman: Arkham Asylum does just that.

Arkham Asylum thrives on the dark and evil side of the Batman Universe best explored in comics like The Killing Joke and All Star Batman & Robin. Better yet, Rocksteady Studios takes it even further by using some fantastic voice talent which helps the game spew style.

Controlling Batman is as smooth as my second nut. This is one of the major successes of this game. The style they used for fighting allows you to both feel like a bad-mother, ass-kicking Batman, and actually honor your user input (yeah, I'm talking to you Assassin's Creed!) which is a total win win.

The story behind the game provides yet another nice surprise. There are tons of big budget games which draw their stories from rolls of used toilet paper, this is not one of them. Arkham Asylum gives you a fresh and compelling storyline with an exciting series of events.

All together, Batman: Arkham Asylum does an excellent job of immersing you into an alternate reality...where you're Batman...and your full-time job is kicking the shit out of people. For that reason alone, Batman Arkham Asylum is the 2009 Golden Sausage : Game of the Year!
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2009 Ultimate Pooper

For Golden Sausage Rules and Category Descriptions Click Me.

EliminatePro : iPhone
Pooping and Fragging at the same time wasn't on my list of things I believed to be possible when I first played an FPS, but ElimatePro proved me wrong! From the brilliantly laid out controls, to the silky smooth online death matches, EliminatePro touches you in all of the right places.

Better yet, it's 100% free to play! The game implements a very nice pay-to-play mechanism that makes it fun for both players who choose to pay for upgrades, and players who choose to work for them. I'm personally the latter, but don't think that I haven't tossed a few dollars into the fray. Ultimately it's great to play with all of the cool toys, and sometimes you just don't want to wait two weeks for that face shredding rocket launcher.

The icing on the cake is that the game gets frequent content updates including new maps and items. That's just the kind of thing I need while my turtle head is poking out. That's why EliminatePro wins the 2009 Bronze Golden Sausage : Ultimate Pooper.

PacMan C.E. : iPhone
PacMan C.E. (Mobile) takes the fantastic game developed for the Xbox Live Arcade and slides it right into your pants. With almost no loss of quality or fun, this is the ideal game for playing in short bursts...from your ass.

By adding a whole new section of trials and challenges, the game goes from a one-night-stand to a live-in hooker. Additionally, they've re-imagined a whole new list of "championship" levels which are sure to please.

I think the only thing that keeps this game from winning the Golden is the lack of online leader-board. I mean, come on...what good is PacMan C.E. unless I can show off my Billy Mitchel skillz?

Well, it's OK...we still love it and think it's worth every inch of the 2009 Golden Silver Sausage : Ultimate Pooper.

Jungle Style Pinball
Pinball video games are a challenge. It isn't just the physics, and clicky-clack noises that make them fun. It takes compelling and interesting goals plus fun and challenging skilled shots to really make them shine. That's where Jungle Style won't leave you hanging.

Building on their other great pinball games, GameProm Company really shines with this latest iteration. The game features a very "realistic" game board along with a nice smooth pinball feel. The objectives and challenges are just the kind of thing I need to keep my mind working while dropping the guinea pigs off at the humane society (I just made that means shitting).

Even better, I'd go so far as to say that Jungle Style is an innovator! By bringing in the concept of a bigger, heavier "golden ball" they've helped to make the game even more of a delightful challenge. Couple the game with a full featured online leader-board and I'll be playing long enough to loose feeling in my legs.

I can honestly say I haven't played a mobile pinball game this good since Revenge of the Gator for the GameBoy (yeah, look it's fucking amazing). That is why Jungle Style Pinball wins the 2009 Golden Sausage : Ultimate Pooper!
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2009 Retro Revival

For Golden Sausage Rules and Category Descriptions Click Me.

MegaMan 9
I'm pretty sure this game is the most literal incarnation of "Retro Revival" I've ever seen!

Capcom went all out on this one. By developing a modern game using the exact same look and feel as it's classic NES ancestors, Capcom has helped to bring new life to an aging series. They even took a few minutes to generate some horrific box art...kudos!

The game itself, plays much like the classic "MegaMen" of yore. The controls feel crappy, and the difficulty is through the roof compared with modern games. Normally this would cause us to devalue the title, but in this case it works out perfectly. To help keep the part of the current generation, they've added some nice downloadable content as well.

I think their new motto should be "If it isn't broke...fuck that...let's just sell Nintendo games again." That's why MegaMan 9 receives the Bronze Golden Sausage : Retro Revival.

Bionic Commando Rearmed
I love Bionic Commando Rearmed! The people at GRIN took a classic game and gave it a completely new existence in the modern world.

Graphically, it's perfect. GRIN's decision to use full 3d in a 2d perspective really makes the game shine. To date, I've seen quite a few developers copy this style.

The sound and sound effects are a treat to any die hard NES Bionic Commando fans. Using a hybrid between modern effects and midi sounds over two decades old, GRIN succeeded in delivering a perfect remake.

The game surpasses it's ancestors by adding a whole new challenge area. Here, players are able to test their skills against the entire world using an online ranking system.

Bundle all of these features under a reasonable price and you've got yourself a Silver Golden Sausage : Retro Revival.

Street Fighter IV
To be totally honest, I like my fighting games violent. I mean, if I can't pull off a limb and beat you with it, the game isn't worth playing in my opinion. I think that is why I was so surprised by Street Fighter IV.

Street Fighter IV comes into the ring swinging. Deciding to buck the trend of modern 3d fighters and go back to a 2d style, Street Fighter IV is able to nearly perfect the classic "fighter" formula.

Visually the game stands out, using lots of vibrant colors and taking full advantage of modern HDTV real-estate. The art direction and style is fantastic, except for the fact that Chun Li has two ham hocks for thighs (which I kind of like).

The controls feel tighter and more modern yet the game plays much like it's older siblings. They've done a very nice job of improving edge detection and making it feel like your hits are really connecting with your attacks. I have yet to find that magic move where I can crouch in the corner and kick at 200 miles per hour until someone walks into the fray.

The online fighting seems smooth, with little or no lag, however I wouldn't really know since EVERYONE will kick your ass at this game. I can't remember a game where I lost more frequently...Oh yeah, STARCRAFT!

In a nutshell, that is why Street Fighter IV wins the Golden Sausage : Retro Revival!
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2009 Va-Jay-Jay Prime

For Golden Sausage Rules and Category Descriptions Click Me.

Wii Sports Resort
Wii Sports Resort extends the original Wii Sports lineup by just enough to make it of great va-jay-jay interest. By adding simple and addictive games like Disc Golf and Sword Play, Wii Sports Resort does a nice job of attracting and entertaining the fairer sex.

The hardest part about getting the girls into this game is convincing them that they don't look stupid moving all around to try and keep up with the game (personal appearance is a huge part of va-jay-jay gaming). However, once you get them hooked on Wii Sports Resort, you've got yourself a fine contender for Bronze Golden Sausage : Va-Jay-Jay Prime.

Uncharted: Drakes Fortune
Va-Jay-Jay sidekicks welcome! Uncharted does a fantastic job of convincing your significant other/girlfriend that she's watching a movie and not playing a video game.

On top of that, the vaheena love to feel engaged in your manly activities. Uncharted produces the perfect environment for a dirty-couter sidekick. By simply running around aimlessly on a few of the puzzles and listening to her suggestions on where you should go or what lever you should pull, she'll feel like she's really contributing to your success.

Add in the fact that Uncharted: Drakes Fortune is a great game, and you're on the road to Silver Golden Sausage : Va-Jay-Jay Prime.

New Super Mario Brothers Wii
The ultimate va-jay-jay game must keep them engaged for as long as it takes for you to finish it. That is where New Super Mario Brothers Wii excels!

New Super Mario Brothers Wii lures the poontang using it's cute two-dimensional graphics and familiar gameplay. By bringing back the traditional Super Mario Brothers style, most women (35 and younger) feel right at home playing a game that their brother or boy friend had as a child. To further increase their comfort, Nintendo did a great job of introducing a new mechanic...the bubble. By allowing our girly friends to tap one button at any time and go immune to all damage, they can continue to play without having to brave the "hard parts." Even better, I've found that you can sometimes achieve the more difficult goals by using your lady as the "anchor." You simply say "stand right there and don't move" while you dive off a cliff into some coins and bubble right before death. It makes for a very fun and cooperative experience.

Keeping with the simplistic theme, there are infinite continues with little or no punishment for utilizing them. This even made the game fun for my girl and her three friends, who were simply terrible! All together New Super Mario Brothers Wii can keep some of the worst gamers I've ever seen occupied for at least two hours, and that's good enough for me to award the Golden Sausage : Va-Jay-Jay Prime.
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2009 Fresh Beef

For Golden Sausage Rules and Category Descriptions Click Me.

World of Goo
World of Goo is cute, fun, and really addictive. 2DBoy has done a fantastic job of inventing a whole new type of puzzle game, while staying away from the overplayed "match three" style.

Everything about World of Goo oozes charm. From the sounds, to the graphics, you will be more than happy with your purchase.

For creating an excellent and original new game, World of Goo takes home the Bronze Golden Sausage : Fresh Beef.

BIT.TRIP Beat is kind of like reverse...if you were "ponging" to create a sound track. Conceptually the game is super simple, but in practice it provides a nice little challenge.

The game provides a very fun single player experience, but the multi-player is where it's at! By allowing 1-4 players to take control of their own small paddle, BIT.TRIP Beat makes for quite a fun and friend-loathing experience. You will find yourself yelling "That one was yours!" quite a bit.

Sometimes the simple games are the best games, and that is why BIT.TRIP Beat wins the Silver Golden Sausage : Fresh Beef.

Have you ever wanted a first person shooter version of Diablo II? Personally, I didn't...but I got one anyway...and I love it!

Borderlands does an excellent job of bringing role playing into a kick-ass multi-player first person shooter. By using a dynamically generated weapon system and random environmental effects, Borderlands delivers a great experience.

This game made a strong run at Game of the Year, but just couldn't get past it's peers. Fortunately the Fresh Beef category allows me to express our enjoyment of this game by awarding it this years Golden Sausage : Fresh Beef.
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2009 Golden Sausage Awards are finally here!

It's taken me half a fucking lifetime to get all of this shit together...but the 2009 awards are here! Like the Oscars, these babies are a little later than the actual end of 2009, but that is what makes them so special!

These coveted awards are desired by many, and awarded to few. They aim to commend the best of the best for any given year.

Unlike other shitty year-end awards, the Golden Sausage does not require the title to have been released during the year in review. Rather, NinjaCamp's crack team of video game experts simply must have played the game during the period. This is just one of the rules discussed at length in our rules document which you should read now...go ahead...I'll wait...any link is fine.

Furthermore, we can't just go around slopping Golden Sausages on everyone, thus we need a system of categories in which to properly honor our favorite games of the year. These simple categories, Game of the Year, Ultimate Pooper, Va-Jay-Jay Prime, Retro Revival and Fresh Beef, are again detailed on the linked page.

Now that all of that bullshit is out of the way, we can get right down to it! Join us in congratulating all of this year's Golden Sausage Winners!
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American Koreans Need more time!

We're going to extend the Greatest American Korean Contest by one week to allow for applications from our fabulous YouTube subscribers.

I stupidly forgot to tell the video ninjas about this great chance to win a StarCrat II beta key.

Now that everyone knows, get those entries finished!
Read More Ninja Action! has been sold! has been sold to Google for use as the URL for their latest venture, Pizza Delivery.

Apparently their new system calls for "pizza ninjas" to quickly and stealthfully deliver your pizza using their latest GBWPS (Global Brain Wave Posisitioning System) technology.

Beta users have declared the service "amazing," saying "The ninjas delivered my pizza so steathfully that it took me three days to realize it was on the kitchen counter" and "This pizza is so delicious! It was totally worth the lives of my dog and fiancé, who sadly parishes during the delivery."

Clearly the most amazing feature is that the pizza is free! Simply decide that you would like a pizza with the desired toppings, then Google's GBWPS will detect your thoughts and dispatch the pizza ninjas straight away. In exchange for the free pizza, you simply need to fill out an online form which gives Google's crack Ninja squad the ability to recover the cost of your pizza in bloodshed.

Ninja S and myself are super excited to bring you this news! Personally, I'm more than happy to stop writing for this shitty website that makes no money.