A lot of people ask me, "How does NinjaCamp make money?" I of course promptly respond "Fuck!"

If you really must know, our current business plan calls for selling as much shit as possible whilst developing games. While we aren't quite kicking ass in either of those departments, we still want to shower you with as many items as possible.

So I'd like to introduce you to our latest product, the Ninja Water Bottle/Sausage Holster!


This all aluminum, piece of ass is primed and ready for your water or sausages. (You can tell that it's ready for sausages because of the stylish "100% Kielbasa Approved" badge!) Displaying the fine NinjaCamp branding you've all come to love, this bottle is sure to please!

So??? I know...amazing! Just buy one!

Ninja F, you have been officially challenged! I look forward to your swift ass-kicking in the near future, and my TOTAL CONTROL OF NINJACAMP. Let the peasants rejoice!

Holy balls! KBX 2010 is almost upon us!

I decided to make all of the non-attendees a pre-event, behind the scenes tour!


FUCKING A RIGHT I said 8lbs of Kielbasa! When you start measuring your food in poundage...shit is serious!

Everyone loves KielbasaCon, and some of them even write in to tell us how excited they are!

So far the best comments:

• We are ready to rock out with our meat out!
• MMMMmmmmmmmmm... sausage.......
• Nice sausage.
• Is that a turd in a fedora? Is this TurdCon? I'm in for TurdCon 10.
• MEAT-PLAW!

We're looking forward to a great KBX!

It's official, the invitations have been sent, and Numseh is bathing the "basas" in the various virgin oils required by KielbasaCon lore.


If you didn't receive an invitation, it's most likely because you haven't honored us with your email address. You see that box in the top right-hand corner? Yeah...fucking fill it out!

Can't attend the festivities? Well maybe you can flaunt your sausage pride with some exclusive KBX X Gear!


Either way, we love our Ninjas and hope to see you there!

2010, The Year of the Salami is finally upon us! All praise The Great Kielbasa!

OK, enough fucking around! It's time to get down to official business. The Golden Sausage Awards are almost here, and there's no time to be tenderizing your meat.

What are The Golden Sausages you ask? Well, they are only the most prestigious awards in all of gaming!


These awards, depicted here in Leonardo De Ninja's 1454 masterpiece "Dei tre Salsiccia," are the cornerstone of the video gaming industry.

You see, throughout the year we play every game we can get our filthy hands on. This enables us to contribute to the master list of game rankings. This list, written in giraffe blood, bathed in the juice of one thousand kielbasa and viewable by only NinjaCamp's Elite Opinion Clan is the definitive source of annual game ranking.

Other companies try to tell you "Blah Blah...here are the best games of 2009...I'm so fucking great...My list is so correct." However they are sorely mistaken. For you see, our list is BATHED IN THE JUICE OF ONE THOUSAND KIELBASA! (Suck on that IGN)

Anyway...this all-knowing, all-seeing, all-smelling list will spew forth NinjaCamp's Golden Sausage honorees for 2009!

Stayed tuned for this momentous occasion.

Ok, two things.

First, Ninja F and I have been busy trying to recover from Numseh hijacking our NinjaCopter and gallivanting off to Paraguay to visit the e-lover he met on Match.com. Unbelievable, you guys have no idea how much trouble that kid causes sometimes. He's barely worth the lemons we pay him. The lemon sale at Wal-Mart is enough for a year of his work, so we keep him around.

B: happy holidays from NinjaCamp! I have created a special e-Card for you all to forward to friends and family. It's our special way of saying thanks:


Fourth, I need to tell you a little story about a boy named Ninja J. You see, when I was a young lad, before I killed my brothers, we would all gather around the Commodore 64 at night and play games together. You know what Ninjas played on the Commodore 64? M.U.L.E. unless you were an asshat (read that Wiki entry, the backstory of M.U.L.E. and Danny Bunten is interesting).


That game is one of the best games EVER INVENTED. If you don't know why then you are depriving yourself and your ancestors of a giant slice of awesome. M.U.L.E. is the reason I still have a Commodore in the closet of my dojo. The reason I bring this up, esteemed readers, is because our good friend Tobbo just told us about PlanetMULE. Now you can play M.U.L.E. online! I urge you all (which means I will kill you all if you don't) to go there and play with some friends over the holidays. You will not regret it. It's good to have a small island of sweetness in a sea of total crap games.

Take care and get ready for Season 2 of NinjaCamp.com coming after the holidays when our jobs get off our fucking sacks and allow us to entertain you thoroughly as we prepare for KielbasaCon 2010!

It has finally come to pass, Blizzard has started pushing virtual crack directly from their online store!

As a mater of fact, NinjaCamp has obtained an exclusive image of the special edition, half of all proceeds benefit childhood erectile dysfunction, Onyxia pet!


Shameful! I wish I could properly express my rage! I mean...come on! How can you expect me to pay for intangible items? I work hard for my money, and I expect it to buy REAL things.

You know, like when I buy Little Big Planet Sackboy costumes. I actually own the...oh wait. Well...ok...what about that time when I bought all of those Xbox Dashboard skins...shit, scratch that. Oh...I've got one...what about all of those Social Security paycheck deductions...piss!

OK, so look...maybe this isn't really a new idea. But isn't it clear Blizzard is run by assholes just trying to make a quick buck?

I for one, say it's time to light up our torches and jump on the "Internet Outrage Wagon." We need to humble this company once and for all!

I'll be right there...I just need to finish purchasing these useless vanity items...

It is with great sadness that NinjaCamp must announce the passing of one of our favorite artists Don Ivan Punchatz.

Most known for designing the cover of the classic first person shooter DOOM, Don will be sorely missed.

His inspirational artwork set the stage for what was to become one of the biggest video games of all time. Yet, it didn't come easy. You see, Don didn't just shit out the perfect cover on his first attempt. Oh no, Don, like many great artists, had a slew of seldom mentioned concepts that didn't make the grade.

Working with little direction from id Software, Don struggled to produce what the game's directors really wanted.

For the first attempt, Don's focus was simply "Hell on Earth."


Unfortunately Don's personal "Hell on Earth" didn't quite convey the game's epic struggle between space marines and demons.

Refusing to give in, Don began to elaborate on some of the game's more intricate details.


Using symbolic weaponized broccoli, Don did his best to illustrate a feeling of terror with his updated design.

However to his surprise, the id Software executives started to question his direction. "Don, what the fuck is up with the demon animals?" they said.

But Don was determined! He knew what the people wanted, and he wouldn't rest until he succeeded.

Thinking hard...he began to envision the ultimate hellish experience. A man, alone, with nothing but a gun...being assaulted by thousands of angry firetrucks while Livin' on a Prayer loops endlessly inside of his brain.


Clearly the illustration of a talented genius, but the id executives still couldn't identify with his work.

About ready to throw up his hands, Don put forth his most concerted effort. This time he was destined to produce what we all know and love.


From the trendy short sleeve space suit, to the dog faced minions of hell, Don finally hit one out of the park.

For this, NinjaCamp honors Don Ivan Punchatz!

Ninja S is gone!

I mean, he's not really gone, or dead, or anything...he's just in Spain. You know...secret ninja stuff. It happens.

The real problem is what do I do without my ninjariffic cohort?

My first inclination was to do nothing at all...but that just isn't going to build the web traffic. So now I'm thinking I'll just do the post myself. I mean, how hard could it be?

Let's see here...I'll need to come up with a story. Hmmm....think. Maybe something about ninjas? Ya, ninjas are a good topic. OK, now I need a concept...how about prepping classic games for 2010? Ya, that's good! We need to update old games so that they will impress the generation LMNOP kids.

OK, so let's focus on the best of the best...Ninja Gaiden! This classic masterpiece needs just a bit of tweaking to blow the socks of those gen whatever kids.


Already looking good and I haven't even touched it! I mean look at this guy! He's at least twice as tall as the tallest building in the city; which coincidentally is exploding (bet he had a hand in that). His muscles are so big that they are actually fighting against each other for prime bicep real estate. Hell, even his forearms are ribbed for her pleasure!

Ya, I'd say we're off to good start!

So what will the kids of tomorrow look for in their games? Hmmm...candy? No...ummm...ponies? Nah...not that. Ahh, I got it! Guns!

It's a proven fact that the 6-12 year old demographic just loves guns! We get letters all of the time saying "this game needs more guns!"


Swords are for pussies anyway...it's all about guns in Y2K10!

Hmmm...something is still missing. Ahhh...of course...missiles! 85% of 14-18 year old gamers won't even play games lacking a six missile per hour minimum. Let's just fix that up...


That looks good, but it really needs that one extra thing that future gamers will be able to identify with.

Come to think of it, the fastest growing segment of gamers is female. Maybe we need a little bling and indecent exposure to keep up with their idols?


There you go...I think we nailed it!

Hopefully Ninja S comes back soon or next week I am going to have to update Spelunker!