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Even Ninja's fall prey to the RROD

It's true…it happened…the dreaded Red Ring of Death has stricken my Xbox. I've been training for years to avoid this exact type of sneak attack, alas…I was not quick enough.

You see, in an effort to spend as much money as humanly possible, Microsoft has inserted a nano-particle explosive inside of each and every Xbox360. This tiny but deadly blast perfectly destroys your hardware while Bill Gates rolls around naked in piles of money. Genius really.

In light of this inconvenient situation, I thought I might branch out from the gaming world and see what sorts of things I've been missing.

Due to my degenerate video game addiction, my first attempt at assimilation back into reality didn't stray far from my comfort zone. Using any sort of gaming as a crutch, I gravitated toward the classic game of Cribbage.

Unfortunately, I was asked to leave the old folks home after killing that bitch Sally. I warned her to stop taking bathroom breaks during critical moments, but that whore just wouldn't give it a rest!

Since my initial plan didn't say "go as planned" I tried to find another activity that would suit my "special" needs.

Obviously, pumpkin carving was perfect! I mean, it is the correct time of year, plus I get to play with swords and fire…how could this go wrong?

Sure enough, little Billy next store wouldn't shut the hell up about me carving a "Dora the Explorer" pumpkin for him. I told him…I only carve ninja pumpkins and I'll be a hooker if that little bastard didn't mutter something anti-Semitic. Long story short…Billy's not going to have to make a list for Santa this year.

I started thinking that nothing would cure my Xbox blues (reds), when it hit me…I love giving food to the homeless!

Damn It! These fucking homeless with their shifty eyes! I tried to give a man an ice creme cone and he starts attacking me with the ancient art of optical karate. Thankfully he was homeless, so nobody will miss him.

At this point I'm pretty confident that nothing will satisfy my lust for gaming when I finally realize exactly what I need…World Peace! This is the answer I've been...