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Blizzcon Tutorial: Doing it WoW style - Day Zero

Since Blizzcon is right around the corner, I wanted to write some simple tutorials to help you conquer it. I've broken them down into a quest based system for simplicity. Why? Because it's fucking Blizzcon!

So, let's review the starting zone quests which should be completed before Day 1:


Experience: 10pts
Start Point: Hotelezon
End Point: Hotelezon

Dervin Asscloud is in real need of a bath! The whole town of Hotelezon can smell him, but everyone is too scared to let him know. You will need to acquire the Soap of Two Thousand Levers from the vendor outside of town, then lure Dervin into the nearest lake. Once in the lake, you will use the Soap to scrub Dervin vigorously! While you are at it, why don't you give yourself a little love?

Ninja Tips : Don't smell like ass! Use the fucking shower you goddamn slobs! If I smell even one of your stinky asses I'm fucking punching you square in the face.


Experience: 15pts
Start Point: Hotelezon
End Point: Hotelezon

Evelynn Vageena wants you to take care of your unruly undergrowth. You'll need to recover the magic trimmers from Pubulor the Stink Maker, then use them to tame your wild growth. Once tamed, you should mix water, Orc shampoo, and Gnome conditioner into a fine lather. Apply this lather liberally to the recently tamed Bush of Doom, rinse and repeat.

Ninja Tips : If your pubes are hanging out the side of your shorts...you're fucking disgusting. Fix it!


Experience: 5pts
Start Point: Hotelezon
End Point: Hotelezon

Jehenny Deepthroat needs you to sprinkle some fairy dust on the Bush of Doom to keep it in a state of constant calm. You'll need to purchase some ground baby power from Execiel Pleseantballs in the Undercity. Gently sprinkle the item over the bush to remove that "fresh out of the grave scent."

Ninja Tips : Buy something to keep your fucking schnutz from stinking up the place. The ladies don't like your fromundacheese!



You will want to start practicing those quests right away because when B-day hits, there aren't going to be second chances! Once these quests become as natural to you as banging your right hand, you will be ready to enter the next town, Blizzcontoria.

Stay tuned for the next tutorial!