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Blizzcon Tutorial: Doing it WoW style - Day One

By now you should have hit the next level by following our starting zone tutorial. Once you're ready, it's time to move into the town of Blizzcontoria. Here you will see there are hundreds of available quests! Just remember, you can't do all of them! You'll want to choose wisely...I've listed the easiest 3 below.


Experience: 20pts
Start Point: Blizzcontoria
End Point: Hotelezon

Lady Ironsnatch has requested that you stop staring at her gargantuan mellons. Seeing as you are starving, you must find a way to enjoy those melons as soon as possible. Speak with Frankfurt Butterschnutz in the Blizzcontoria Tavern to learn of "magical melon granting phrases." Once you have acquired one of Butterschnutz's special phrases, speak it confidently to Lady Ironsnatch. If all goes well, she'll let you nibble on her mllons and possibly take some home to Hotelezon.

Ninja Tips : Figure out how to speak to women before trying. Lines like "hey baby, you want to see my huge epeen" don't fucking work! Try complimenting her on her DPS before you attempt to jam it in her mouth.


Experience: 15pts
Start Point: Blizzcontoria
End Point: Hotelezon

Judith Tangletwhat beckons you closer (probably because you smell so nice from the starting zone quests). On the surface, Judith looks to be a very desirable woman, but she hides a furry secret. You will need to obtain the trimmers of wahl from Johoney Beaverwhacker. Once equipped, the trimmers will protect you from surprise Worgen attacks, even if the moon is full. You might want to bring a friend or two to stave off the ambush.

Ninja Tips : Remember, if her face is hairier than yours, she probably doesn't know the meaning of vageenscaping. Ideally you can spot these in advance, but sometimes they trick you. Just make sure you're ready for the onslaught. Additional party members can certainly help your cause. Just remember two is a party and three is a rape.


Experience: 10pts
Start Point: Blizzcontoria
End Point: Hotelezon

Barium Cocksmen tells you that the town of Hotelezon is in dire need of some entertainment. He needs you to gather up as many female Night Elves as possible then return them to Hotelezon. It's known throughout the town of Blizzcontoria that female Night Elves love useless shiny objects. For this quest you will need to buy the shiniest belt buckle that Henrietta Firekrotch sells. Equip the buckle, then stroll through town. If you don't have at least 10 female night elves following you by the end of the main drag, you didn't buy the shiniest one!

Ninja Tips : Alliance players are fucking retarded. If things are looking grim, hit on their women. Remember, R-E-T-A-R-D-E-D...talk slow.



Blizzcontoria has tons of available quests...you'll want to pick and choose since you really only have two days. Also don't dick around in Hotelezon, just turn in the quests and get right back to questing. In this game, it's experience that really matters.

Stay tuned for the final tutorial!