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Amazing moments in video-gaming history! (while pooping) Part: 1

It's taken me weeks, months even, but today I am proud to announce the defeat of Castlevania's Dracula/Dracula Demon thing via my Windows Mobile NES emulator...while pooping.

It has been a long and arduous journey. It begins with a simple man and his whip. For the sake of this story we will call him Billy...

Part One:
As I begin my descent into the foul smelling dungeon, I hear only a feint mixture of throaty grunting and flatulence noises. I pause. I tell myself "Billy...You're ready for this." I proceed again with caution. Around me lie corpses, and unidentified pools of fluid. As I pass, I sense an odd aura to this place.

Whip in hand I approach an iron-clad door. The door has no visible markings or handle, yet I'm certain that it is in fact a door. I begin to brush the cobwebs and cockroaches away from what looks to be a lock of some sort. I notice there is a feint message written in what looks to be ancient Transylvanian symbols. I translate to the best of my ability..."Vacantosia." What could this mean?

Using the tip of my whip I gently pry open the door. It's always best to lead with your whip, you never know what manner of foul beasts lie beyond closed doors. I enter the room slowly. It's dark and noticeably colder. I attempt to inspect my dimly lit surroundings. BANG! I spin around, whip ready. The door slammed shut...no matter. I came here for a purpose and I shall complete my mission before searching for another way out.

Without the moonlight to guide my hand, I am forced to poke my whip around aimlessly. I hear a soft click and almost instantly feel warm breeze. "Candles?" Thousands of candles burst into flame. My prey is aware of my intrusion. "Push on" I tell myself.

The room is now very bright, yet still very cold. These candles seem to defy logic? I bring a small scrap of paper out of my pocket and over to the closest flame. Nothing! There is no evidence that the visible flame is even burning. "Is it possible that I've under-estimated his power?"

I see what appears to be a throne just a few meters ahead. The ancient texts speak of "De-throning the Master." Could this be that simple? I approach the throne with great anxiety. It appears to have been carved from human remains. Bones of all sorts protrude from it's every edge...beautiful in it's own way. I gently loosen my armor so that I may sit. With every muscle tightened I lower myself into place.

Nothing. Maybe the secret lies in some other area of this dungeon? Then it hits me! A freezing pain shoots up my thighs. The throne is frozen and I'm frozen to it! As the pain becomes even more debilitating I thrash wildly trying to remove myself from it's icy clutches. It is no use. It has me right where it wants me.


Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion!